Today I got up early, kissed my kids goodbye and told them that mommy had to go to work because she loves them. When I got home, my daughter was already asleep and down for the night. I spent a few precious hours this evening with Evan before he zonked out. I'm having a rough day and I feel like the only way to work through my feelings is by sharing them. I don't know, but maybe there is another mom out there who knows what I'm feeling.
I feel guilty because I'm not with my children during the day. I feel guilty because I don't have as much time to spend teaching them things. But, I also felt guilty before I started working because I didn't know how we would be able to afford the simple necessities in life like diapers, groceries, rent. Now that I'm working I can afford these things, and a little more. There is just no winning. I know I made the right decision for my family, but knowing doesn't make the decision easier. It doesn't ease my guilt of being away from my children 45+ hours a week.
My children are so great and resilient. They are not having any behavioural problems since I returned to work and I'm so grateful for that. When I'm home or go into work later in the morning, Evalie always says to me, " Mommy, Your HOME! I love you mommy. You work so you can buy my house?" (she talking about the cabin we are renting).
I am so grateful for the job that I have. When I am in my work mode I can push my feeling aside. That is, until I get home and my children are already in bed. It's been a tough day. But, tomorrow I'll get up early and do it again because I love my family.
I'm so soorry Kayla. I dont' know what you are going through, but I do know that our Father in Heaven does. He'll help you. Keep your chin up. You're a good mom!
ReplyDeleteHey, Kayla, it's Nat...I just wanted to say, that you are such a strong woman. I know what you are going through. In a recommend interview with my bishop, he told me that this is just a trial that we were given to make us stronger people and that our family was going to be stronger because of it. He told me that as a bishop, he saw many people in the ward that were wealthy and that it was killing them. He said that he would much rather be in our position. I know it is hard right now, believe me, it's hard...but we are survivors and we will be better for it, and our kids will thank us when they are older. Love you girl. You rock! Remember that! Just don't forget that if you come home when the kids are sleeping to go in and kiss them anyway. Love ya again. Hang in there. Call if you ever need to talk. I can totally relate.
ReplyDeleteHey Kayla, I totally know what you feel like. It does not matter whatever keeps you from the kids a mom's heart is always at home. I can say this...you genuinely love your kids so that's why it hurts so bad. Just make sure to give your husband a HUGE hug & Kiss when you walk in the door to show your appreciation for all his hard work as well (since the kids were in bed and asleep no less! :)
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Kayla, your are the bestest mommy ever!! Your children are so blessed to have you out there working so hard for the good of your family. And your love and committment to your family is shown by the level of sacrifice you are willing to offer them. Your strength is inspiring. Love you.
ReplyDeleteHey. I don't have your e mail, but I wanted to tell you that Yes I will be at Kristas open house. That would be great if you were there. I'd love to see you. Hang in there. Love ya!
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