Friday, March 13, 2009

Tough Love

Today I got up early, kissed my kids goodbye and told them that mommy had to go to work because she loves them. When I got home, my daughter was already asleep and down for the night. I spent a few precious hours this evening with Evan before he zonked out. I'm having a rough day and I feel like the only way to work through my feelings is by sharing them. I don't know, but maybe there is another mom out there who knows what I'm feeling.

I feel guilty because I'm not with my children during the day. I feel guilty because I don't have as much time to spend teaching them things. But, I also felt guilty before I started working because I didn't know how we would be able to afford the simple necessities in life like diapers, groceries, rent. Now that I'm working I can afford these things, and a little more. There is just no winning. I know I made the right decision for my family, but knowing doesn't make the decision easier. It doesn't ease my guilt of being away from my children 45+ hours a week.

My children are so great and resilient. They are not having any behavioural problems since I returned to work and I'm so grateful for that. When I'm home or go into work later in the morning, Evalie always says to me, " Mommy, Your HOME! I love you mommy. You work so you can buy my house?" (she talking about the cabin we are renting).

I am so grateful for the job that I have. When I am in my work mode I can push my feeling aside. That is, until I get home and my children are already in bed. It's been a tough day. But, tomorrow I'll get up early and do it again because I love my family.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Shawn's New Job

Les Schwab is coming to Rathdrum!

On Sunday, Shawn told me that a year ago, he would never had considered working at Les Schwab. He never thought working in the tire industry could be fun and rewarding for his family. I'm glad to say, that he was wrong! He interviewed for a position, simply to have a paycheck while he went back to school this summer.

Now, it is starting to look like it will be so much more than that! During the interview, the store manager opened my husband's eyes to their company. Shawn was impressed. Yes, he starts at an hourly wage, but with Shawn's experience he will be eligible for promotion in two short years. Even the assistant managers make an impressive salary, much more than we both previously assumed. The store manager has already shown a great deal of respect and acknowledgement in Shawn's capabilities. I think he recognized that in hiring Shawn he made a very smart decision! He privately pulled my husband aside and let him know that he could ask for a raise within a few months. Shawn overheard the other guys gripping that they wouldn't get a raise for one year. As you can imagine, that really humbled and boosted my husband's spirits.

Our five years of marriage have not been easy. At times we felt like we had been given a double dose of trials and more than our share of life-lessons. But, we feel immensely blessed. We just realize that all of those crazy/tough experiences we had to go through were not to punish us, but to make us stronger. Even if, at the time we felt miserable and defeated. Shawn and I both have a strong desire to do what is best for our family, even if it isn't exactly what we had planned, or imagined in the beginning. Whatever our path is meant to be, we will make it work.

Today my husband was excited to go to work. I thought he was about to bust out the Tigger moves and hop up and down with anticipation. I guess they are working on putting together machines of some sort...which is totally up my man's alley. I love having a happy husband.

By the way, all of this happened the day after we paid our tithing.